How is it 2022 and how is Josie Biehl 14 1/2 years old?

My last post was four years ago and I find that, like many things in life, time heals many wounds.  Josie and our family have grown so much...and perspective is key.  We still all have our individual battles to overcome...but life is a process, isn't it?  We're all growing and learning every day...doing the best we can to be the best people we can be...

Our bonds have grown and Josie's ability to attach to those people who are important to her has as well. Family, friends, teachers, coaches...all the folks we hoped would help shape her and have positive impacts on her have been incredible over the past several years.  Our family owes our "Village" a huge thanks for this.  Baseball teams, soccer teams, basketball teams, Pacific Rim Elementary, Community Montessori of Carlsbad, Sage Creek High...and all the people associated with those groups who have helped shape who Josie is becoming...we are grateful.

We find ourselves with Jack and Tucker in college now (WT?!?).  Max is a sophomore and Josie is a freshman in high school.  Jack is studying technical theatre while working at Legoland (his dream them park), Tuck is following his dream of playing baseball in college, Max is playing high school baseball and surfing up a storm...and Josie is playing for Surf Soccer ECNL and hopes to play basketball and soccer for Sage Creek High as well.  She just ran for Freshman Class President, we're just awaiting the outcome.

Part of the message of our story is never give up on your kids AND never compromise your character, morals, house rules and heart just because things get tough.  Raising kids is HARD!  Keeping a consistent message and providing the foundations of being a good person is so important.  We're trying and it's incredible to see glimmers of success as our kids become adults...

As I write this I need to share that we know many adopted children whose stories are very sad.  We are very fortunate that we are where we are with Josie and our family.  Sometimes the wounds and issues that adopted kids carry with them are just too much to overcome.  Even with the best of people and kindest of families, some kids become victims of their situation. Our hearts go out to those families and those children...

My what a difference a few years can make.  To say that we've been overwhelmed with the issues that stem from Josie's early life before us would be the ultimate understatement.  Wow.

After four years of reading books, blogs and websites...meeting with psychologists, family counselors, psychiatrists, eating disorder specialists, a hypnotherapist and two biofeedback specialists we have come to this;  Josie suffers from an attachment disorder.

Sadly, this makes it very hard for her to bond with us, but probably more so with friends and teachers. She has a low sense of consequence, self preservation and one of her attachments is to food.  So far no therapies or consequences have helped at this point.  We just keep trying to help her understand the idea of a healthy body, a healthy spirit and a healthy mind.  Our family bond is growing and I think that's where we'll find growth in her attachments.

Josie also suffers from some cognitive gaps/losses just due to not learning anything for her first eleven months of life. She has done well in school until this year where some of the missing layers of information are now needed in fourth grade.  It is sometimes difficult for her to apply what she has learned to everyday life with cognitive connection.  Again, we are just trying to instill our values and expectations with a huge emphasis on understanding empathy and connections.  We are learning to layer-in information so that it's not lost on her if she learns it just once.

Her saving grace has been soccer.  She is the starting keeper for a pre-academy team with a great soccer club.  On the soccer field she can just be herself without the temptations her issues present in other environments.  We try to keep her engaged in soccer as much as we can.  She would honestly play every day if she could!  Not once have we had to ask her to get ready or find her uniform...she is always excited to play soccer.  Thank goodness.

I remember reading posts like this...there were only a few back in 2008...and wondering why the parents couldn't figure out how to help or change or "fix" these kinds of issues with their adopted children.  The sad reality is that some of the trauma that these children face at such a young age can take a lifetime to work through.  There are options to help them with techniques to work through daily life.  But the simple fact is that babies need parents and they need them especially in the first year of life.  Josie's issues will follow her for her entire life. Even when she's an adult and old enough to decide the kind of person she wants to be, it will take conscious positive daily choices to fight her battles.

Josie was eleven months old when we met her.  From what I know now, I wish we could have brought her home at 6 months (the youngest age the US will allow due to HIV testing).  Her orphanage did the best they could.  But even passing babies around from caregiver to caregiver in an orphanage environment is damaging by not allowing any bonding to occur.  No stimuli, no inputs, no creeping, no crawling, no songs, no books, no "puppies & kitties are cute," no "ouch, it's hot," no options to learn empathy (you made Susie sad), no "that's not yours, please give it back," really there was just nothing but being held while she ate...and that's what she learned of love.

Right now she is in a four month biofeedback program with the goal of helping create new nerve connections to balance her brain functions from survival mode to happy existence mode.  I will be interested to see what progress we can make.  My thanks in advance to InnerOptimal Biofeedback for showing such love and true hope for change for Josie.

I remain hopeful at this point, but I've seen years of therapies come and go without significant change in her behavior.  This is just something new to try in our attempts to both help her and teach her new and positive ways of living.  My gut tells me that this will be a lifelong lesson in how to be the best person she can be on a daily basis.  She will need family, friends, teachers and coaches to help her along this journey.

Josie Turns 6!

Wow!

I'm not sure how time has passed this quickly.  2014 began with Josie turning 6 years old!

She is quite a sharp young lady who is an avid reader and writer already.  Josie was also just selected for a competitive Girls U7 soccer team.

I had hoped when we started this adventure and blog in 2008 to be diligent about recording the goings-on of our family.  But I'll be honest - it's nuts around here - and we love it!  With four children we happily find ourselves on the go most of the time.

My hope is to pop in and say hey when we have a moment of down time...or perhaps for big events...

Thanks for following along patiently!

Josie found her joy!

We've been asking Josie to "find her joy" ever since bringing her home.  She loves the ocean and it was the only thing she didn't have a fear of when we first introduced her to it.

Camp Pendleton Beach Aug '09

Camping at the beach the weekend before school started!