My what a difference a few years can make.  To say that we've been overwhelmed with the issues that stem from Josie's early life before us would be the ultimate understatement.  Wow.

After four years of reading books, blogs and websites...meeting with psychologists, family counselors, psychiatrists, eating disorder specialists, a hypnotherapist and two biofeedback specialists we have come to this;  Josie suffers from an attachment disorder.

Sadly, this makes it very hard for her to bond with us, but probably more so with friends and teachers. She has a low sense of consequence, self preservation and one of her attachments is to food.  So far no therapies or consequences have helped at this point.  We just keep trying to help her understand the idea of a healthy body, a healthy spirit and a healthy mind.  Our family bond is growing and I think that's where we'll find growth in her attachments.

Josie also suffers from some cognitive gaps/losses just due to not learning anything for her first eleven months of life. She has done well in school until this year where some of the missing layers of information are now needed in fourth grade.  It is sometimes difficult for her to apply what she has learned to everyday life with cognitive connection.  Again, we are just trying to instill our values and expectations with a huge emphasis on understanding empathy and connections.  We are learning to layer-in information so that it's not lost on her if she learns it just once.

Her saving grace has been soccer.  She is the starting keeper for a pre-academy team with a great soccer club.  On the soccer field she can just be herself without the temptations her issues present in other environments.  We try to keep her engaged in soccer as much as we can.  She would honestly play every day if she could!  Not once have we had to ask her to get ready or find her uniform...she is always excited to play soccer.  Thank goodness.

I remember reading posts like this...there were only a few back in 2008...and wondering why the parents couldn't figure out how to help or change or "fix" these kinds of issues with their adopted children.  The sad reality is that some of the trauma that these children face at such a young age can take a lifetime to work through.  There are options to help them with techniques to work through daily life.  But the simple fact is that babies need parents and they need them especially in the first year of life.  Josie's issues will follow her for her entire life. Even when she's an adult and old enough to decide the kind of person she wants to be, it will take conscious positive daily choices to fight her battles.

Josie was eleven months old when we met her.  From what I know now, I wish we could have brought her home at 6 months (the youngest age the US will allow due to HIV testing).  Her orphanage did the best they could.  But even passing babies around from caregiver to caregiver in an orphanage environment is damaging by not allowing any bonding to occur.  No stimuli, no inputs, no creeping, no crawling, no songs, no books, no "puppies & kitties are cute," no "ouch, it's hot," no options to learn empathy (you made Susie sad), no "that's not yours, please give it back," really there was just nothing but being held while she ate...and that's what she learned of love.

Right now she is in a four month biofeedback program with the goal of helping create new nerve connections to balance her brain functions from survival mode to happy existence mode.  I will be interested to see what progress we can make.  My thanks in advance to InnerOptimal Biofeedback for showing such love and true hope for change for Josie.

I remain hopeful at this point, but I've seen years of therapies come and go without significant change in her behavior.  This is just something new to try in our attempts to both help her and teach her new and positive ways of living.  My gut tells me that this will be a lifelong lesson in how to be the best person she can be on a daily basis.  She will need family, friends, teachers and coaches to help her along this journey.